Most of you were at my wedding, many even attending the blessed proceedings of the bachelor party. It was indeed a glorious day to reign in a new era in my life. Not of wedded bliss or anything, but of wearing jewelry! Oh yes, I look fantastic with this ring. It's titanium, squareish for awesome comfort, got some grooves in it, and it's shiny. Totally bitchin'. I can now punch through walls. Now I can also tap it on desks and make obnoxious sounds to bother people. Getting married kicks ass.

We'll take a trip now down the few days from bachelor party to wedding day! Come with me, won't you?

THE BACHELOR PARTY! We ate steaks, I remember that part. Maybe I had some potatoes too... River City Brewery was indeed a brewery and their stout was most excellent. I got some sort of shot from the waitress that was the humiliating blowjob shot I thought was going to be provided. Then later I recieved an Irish Carbomb and demonstrated my unique ability to not be able to chug a damn thing.

Nolan then showed up and there was much rejoicing as we scampered off (but a manly scamper, more like a stroll... not quite a preening mosey, but definitely not skipping) to the first bar. It was called the Pumphouse. There was a gas station attached to it, which was odd, but explained the name of the establishment. This is certainly a better explanation than the raunchy images my tipsy brain was conjuring to explain the nomenclature. That being said, the bar wasn't bad. We had many drinks, met a drunken 21 year-old girl on her birthday party. Riley made fun of her home state of Arkansas and declared it wasn't the south as well as giving a decent verbal smack upon their beloved Razorbacks. She also became sad with my illustrious twin Jimbo for living in Georgia and not liking grits and sweet tea. Bryan doing his best "I like everything you like and your drunk so I could have a chance" proudly announced his love of all those things. Then her boyfriend came over. The next obvious course of action was to start hitting on her friend, who I think was married too... 

Now things get a bit fuzzy. I remember a white russian after a bunch of other drinks, don't think I finished it. We leave the bar and bid farewell to those friends of mine from Wichita who were unwilling to put themselves into a stupor for work the next day. Only the brave from Pittsburg remained! Stood around outside for a bit and gabbed, then went into another bar. I know neither the name nor the location of this place, but I do remember going up stairs. Please tell me there were stairs and we sat on a second floor...

From eyewitness accounts (Jimbo), I had lots of Johnny Walker here. This bar is so fuzzy in my memory. I was making dumbshit statements about loving everyone and Bryan was heavily working on the waitress who "had a boyfriend downstairs". I said some more idiotic things about being happy for her in love or something since I was too that way and getting married. Which reminds me, in the most unmanly fashion I can think of, I answered every random person's "Don't do it!" with "But I love her!". You're welcome Emmie!

Leaving the bar is a blur. I remember requesting IHOP. The car ride will need others to fill in the details. As Jimbo has reported, I apparently stuck my head out the window and declared "Look at me! I'm the Joker!", obviously recreating one of the better moments from The Dark Knight in a drunken haze. Other reports indicated Nolan and I were singing along horribly to the Cowboy Bebop song on the CD currently in play. Then "Racera" from Akira came on, and I'm sure that brought on another brawl of rowdy screaming. Again, ask Jimbo.

IHOP!! I remember this place! Being very cautious to be on my best behavior, I walked slow, ordered pancakes, and then spilled water all over myself. How we got there safe, fit in the car, and didn't get kicked out is a mystery. A tip of the hat to my esteemed look-a-like for all his efforts. If you were wondering, the pancakes were delicious, all syrupy and good.  Driving out of there resulted in me giving the wrong directions to Jimbo, and then Bryan telling him that since he (Jimbo) was sober, he could create his own reality and get there without my help. Upon arriving at Riley's domicile, I disembarked the vehicle with Bryan since standing felt like the best idea. A lot of blank space happens here, until we get back to Tall Oaks. Upon arriving and passing the gate, Bryan decides to walk the rest of the way. This to me, is the greatest of propositions. So both of us start walking the 200 meters back to my apartment. We didn't fall or stumble to my recollect. Oh, and Jimbo was driving off without us. We caught up with Jimbo as we reached the entrance and I questioned Jimbo as to how he had gotten there and that it was nice to see him since it had been a while. Upstairs I fell right to sleep. Bryan went outside and expelled his stomach's contents in a most epic fashion by my first floor neighbors bushes.

The next day was the worst thing ever. I've never felt so horrible in my life. Nolan, I don't know how you got home, but considering how reluctant I was to be a passenger in a car, I salute your bravado. Sobered up over the day, tried on tuxes, ran some errands, napped, and then met the extended Arruda family for dinner. 

Such ends the first part of my tale, and sadly, it will probably be the most interesting part of the journey until I get to the honeymoon. I will talk more on the rehearsal and wedding in another post, and then discuss the honeymoon when I have pictures to post. Not those kind of pictures, but instead photographic proof of the existence of the island, resort, and scuba diving shennanigans. 

Till next time!

-Mike